In the event of my demise

6:35am. I am not indulging in my love, alcohol tonight, for that reason I feel all the more sad. The melancholy feelings that pursue my soul for an eternity knows no bounds! I want to speak tonight about my upcoming visit. In the event of my demise, I would like to tell the world some things. One, that it is cursed with mounds of flesh that take and take and take, to give so little back. Two, that these mounds of flesh that take so much, are full of truly cruel ideas, they are evil, and damned. Three, that I along with others, were not meant to be apart of this cruel reality. Four, that I wish I was different, normal and not so fucked up with things that I wish I could forget. Five, that I am sorry, I am sorry for all of the things I ever did to my loving friends, and family members, and never have I felt such guilt in my everyday life until I grew into my age of 18. Six, well fuck society, fuck everything it wants, everything you desire to have, the american standard of life, and how it pressures us to exist in it's warped mirror. Seven, I've hated myself for only 22 years, but I think my hatred extends for an eternity. Eight, no matter how much things you want, or think you need, it will never be enough, because as humans we are doomed to be forever in a state of suffering. Nine, I don't think anyone beyond the age of 30 is alive to better humanity. Ten, whatever you want to do with your life, make sure to do it alone and completely, because you never know when your feeble body decides to stop working. I sure wish I could've finished what I wanted to say, but words themselves, will never be enough. I think it is because words can never express something inside your heart. It's because sometimes, no matter how much you write, you can never say the things inside you.