It is now 7:33 am. I was told recently from my friend, about a certain experiment. It's about suicide. For myself, I presume nothing but utter rawness from your soul. Tonight is the night, it's the night that I finally say goodbye to the world that I used to know. This world that I despise, this world that hates me for who I am. At times, I know I was delighted to hear simple things to quell these thoughts, such as I provide a service to others, that can not be found anywhere else. Yet the more I lived, the more I saw, and I'm too sad, I'm sorry. I think that I can't be happy I think I'm a little too broken for this world, maybe I'm a little too odd to function in a place like this. I remember looking up some quotes from people who have committed suicide before, trying to find a semblance of humanity, of normality, and I unfortunately.... did. I'm sorry to my mother, I'm sorry to my father, I'm sorry I couldn't fix myself. I'm sorry for all the things I could've done better. To all my friend's who have spoken to me, I'm sorry I couldn't be more of help to you, it's just too hard. It's too hard to trot day by day, pretending to be happy when I know I clearly am not, to presume my daily functions, as if it does not hurt me so much. It's strange, to feel happy, because I think as I type these letters onto this hub of imagination I feel a sense of actual true and complete joy. I'm sad, I'm sad that people like me will never find that happiness. I'm sad I could not do the things I have always wanted to do. I am sad that I could never be the hero that my people deserve. I hope that one day, you will find that special person, that special human that makes life worth living, whether it be another person or maybe it's yourself. To me, it was never another person, this hole I felt was so hard to hide, but I believe some person out there could fill it with themselves, loneliness my friend, isn't something to be afraid of, but to embrace. Embrace the solitude, embrace the chaos, like so many others decide to hide away from, be different. I just want to say that the world doesn't deserve people like us, like you and me, they don't deserve to have us. People like us, really only have a few options in our life, suicide, homicide, or to align with these facades of humans we call our brethren. Choose, and then accept the fate. I think for me, this was always my destiny, this was always how it ended, no matter my choice. So I just want to say fuck the world. Fuck everything.- Brian
