Sleep

It's 5:52am. I'm not ready for tomorrow, every single night I'm always dreading tomorrow. I never want to sleep. Because sleep would give me the illusion of how real tonight is. I want to stay awake forever, because forever is the night of eternity. How one would want to sleep is a fucking nightmare. To sleep is to accept death! To sleep is to remember the nights and mornings of the future. To sleep tonight would be to finally say I accept all I did today, and I am not ready. I am not ready to accept that all I did today was in fact, worth it. I am not ready to accept that I did nothing I wanted to, said things I would've liked to say, yelled things I wanted to tell the world! Maybe this sleep, is the sleep that is a glimpse of the eternal sleep.  It is what we gaze into when we are close to death. How careless, and unending it is. This black hole that finally begins to grow and swallow us whole. once we near our end. It makes me so sad, to know this darkness will swallow us. I am so afraid of it, how it will take everything. I think no one is afraid of what it will do, but when it comes, it comes will full force. its so much harder to accept. I guess, I am afraid too, how it will eat me. If only I could accept this. I am afraid, and alone. Fuck I wish I was something other than so! Let me be eaten, then! Let my soul be devoured by the end! Oh I am such a disease! Help me, help me feel!