It is 9:55pm. A few days ago I was asked to participate in society. In it, an event with many humans. Oh how they flung themselves in merriment, how they could stand to be around each other in such joy filled me with complete dread. Disgust would be an understatement in what I thought of them. Such a word would be too much. In the time I was there, I found myself feeling completely out of place, distant from all of them. I noticed this emotion, never prevalent before in the way I faced my truth. My personality is breaking through the surface, no longer tolerating incessant smells of others. Yet would I not figure people in a concert to a band I enjoy "my people"? Is this too, something I can no longer enjoy? I am straying further from humanity. As each day passes, like another burnt match, I wither away, who I was. At some point, I fear my emotions may not peak through, forgetting some entirely. In watching them, I see what they like, their thoughts of how they could be completely unfiltered, completely open with each other. I find comfort in that, with friends I enjoy my time, but otherwise it's hell. Hell on earth, scorching me with flames of it's strands of humanity. I need to hollow my bones and call myself a fucking disease.
