Monotony

 Time is currently 8:41am. I sit here postulating on ideas of earlier, with no avail for any sort of sense. I feel as if my life has become an empty shell of what was before. It has become a monotonous grind of consistency. For if we are consistent, shall we gain fame? Consistency marries the notion of success, for if one does not become consistent he is destined to be a lost cause. I lay here, buried in a mountain of excess of time and consistency, yet hold no notion of success of fame to my name, I feel as if I am wasting my time in things I should spend alone, wallowing in my own pain and sadness. This place I call home is nothing but a cave of sadness and a hole of enduring pain. I wish to leave this home, I wish to embrace the completeness of life. Oh how does one mend a heart so burdened by hatred? Oh how does one live to embrace such a rich fruit of life? I can only fathom, I can only dream of such a life. I am so tired some days, to be consistent it tires me. I am tired all the time because of the pressure that I have made upon myself. I am tired of all the people who pressure me into being something other than another person. Maybe it is time I look to the stars and see their bright shining luster, maybe it is them who will bring me the hope I need to survive the upcoming years of turmoil these humans so politely thrust upon us. I don't know, but surely I will find a way. If I don't then, hey, it's been a fun time. 

Humans

 Right now its 6:57am. I dislike typing on my phone but I felt I needed to write this all out. I see on social media how connected people are, all the time, it fills me with a sensation of drowning, how these people do not feel a sense of being underwater and overwhelmed with so many connections and socialization is beyond me. I feel at times I need more than "alone time" like there's a certain amount of that "alone time" that just never gets filled. I feel as if one day I might dissappear from the world, leave all my problems, and issues in another world. I might call myself Eric or something just for myself to get out of my head. Leave to a world where nothing is common, or familiar. I kept thinking to myself recently, that I might just be broken, or lost, how these flesh mounds of people can be so incredibly different from me, I can never understand. I think THAT is the fundamental issue with myself, and society, that I can never touch the brim of everyone's world, as they so easily do mine. Only time will tell, if I am more alien, than man, I guess. What a disaster.