Fading away

4:57am. I don't know what to write anymore. I cannot understand myself. At times, I find myself more lost that I ever am. I move through these feelings sometimes, and I make no sense of them. I am trash. I never understood how people can tell themselves that. Yet at the same time I know why I would tell that to myself. It's because it's true. I always try to numb myself with things, trying to fuck my brain on things that will make me forget myself even if it's for a minute. I think these things are fucking useless, maybe I am just trying to run from myself. It's all garbage, all of it. I'm a piece of shit. I can't fucking understand anything. I'm stupid, ugly, annoying, I don't know. I don't know.