Take

 Currently 10:31pm. I'm sitting here, in another apathetic state. It feels more intense now, these days just blur into the next. I have no feelings sometimes, no amount of human contact will ever relieve me of such intense apathy. It's less of an annoying feeling, more like a constant in my life now. I assume it will become more of a comfortable emotion at some point. I wonder if at some point I will no longer enjoy anything permanently. If one becomes so numb, they no longer feel... are they still human? I don't know if I will succumb to this numbness, in time I will know. For now, I will distance myself from others. I will play with this apathy, maybe I could learn from it. I'm just really tired. I'm so tired. 

Another nightmare

 It's currently 10:16pm. 

It happened again, another nightmare. I tend to never dream, I tend to sleep and wake as any normal person does. Yet lately, I have been dreaming of torturous moments before my utter demise. This one, unlike the others, I found myself boarding a plane. This plane held an assortment of people, some young some old, and myself. All was well until we began to land, everyone was at ease. Even as we landed most of the people there were level headed, "oh yeah he's cutting it close but I'm sure it's fine". It was only when I heard a guttural scream from the end of our plane, then a metal clanking from above. I remember trying to keep myself calm, as people from the end began to get flung out of the end. The fuel of the jet, is at the end, so since I was more up front, I would most likely survive. I even began to believe to see myself in the future, mangled, and scarred but still alive, telling reporters of the story of the crash. It was then, my back and legs began to feel the heat of the flames from behind, and the metal clashing from just behind my seat. I felt blissful as the end neared my pitiful life. I knew it was over, and just then I awoke. I have had many nightmares, of my death. It's too often that I have begun to believe I have some sort of interest in the morbid nature of seeing my own demise. It's interesting too, the dreary feeling of lingering death. Maybe deep down, it is some sort of guilty desire to die. I will continue to divulge these nightmares, as I know they will continue to plague my mind. Until death truly takes me...