Looking inside

It's 2:00am. I was watching a movie called "Everybody rides the carousel". It shows the ins and outs of a normal human life. It's quite astonishing how quickly someone's life can fade into literally nothing from potential. I found it so sad, at the same time it's quite beautiful. Looking at life at such a distance, it's quite scary. So many paths one could take, so many mistakes to be had, so many souls you could taint. For me, I think choosing to abstain is a direction, not unlike choosing to go into law, or love. Many people would call this stagnation a true art of procrastination, to willfully believe they are moving when they are not. It's a lie, they know not what doing nothing entails, because they have done. I think the more you see, the more you figure out, and the more you grow in knowledge. Useless? Maybe, but to me, it is true knowledge, being aware of others. Such simple beliefs and lowly thoughts about what others may think or want to believe, I want to choose to go beyond. It is that my feeble brain does not comprehend in a manner others may, idiotic they may call me, retarded, or cringy. Sure, to an extent it may be so but to me it isn't that simple. Everything is complex, and I'm enthralled in thinking such thoughts. To truly be in awe of life, it's my gift to myself for the rest of my life. Wicked are we the people of night, feared and fearful are we the weirdos. Forevermore

Special

Its 10:33pm. Whenever I look around I tend to see everyone else a bit differently. Sure, their lives hold little meaning to me, so little thoughts may pass through my mind about them. At the same time an overwhelming jealousy engulfs me. It is the fact they are so much better than I am, so much superior. They have so little difficulty with matters of society. They can live in a capsule man made by their brethren, and with so little opposition that they give. Where in this world are we, the ones with so much difficulties that break their very soul existing in this molded fleshy block. This passed down societal norms, this pressured bag of junk fed to us by the elders. Should we succumb to this titan that flattens us puny ants with every step? No, not us the ones who break free from it, yes caste out by the horde, but to death we shall not march! To life we finally live! Huzzah the children of night we feast upon life's heart! The horde knows not of life! They know not of living, but we aye we the children filled with vigor and enthusiasm we know it is not living, but a sham, a fake, a lie. So go forth and we will feast upon truth!