Killing the 'other'

It's 6:15am. I want to write a separate post about this. I have two parts of me, I think. One, the open and loving one. The one that does want relationships, he makes himself known to the world, speaking about everything in his mind. Then there's the more prevalent one, the cold pitiless one, the one without a heart, without empathy. I feel like the real me is more in line with the cold one. I feel it, killing off the other, the one who wants socialization. I wish for it to murder it, but maybe it cannot be completely killed. Maybe somewhere in this cold, dead heart, I have a glimmer of hope. A glimmer of fire that cackles within my heart. I hope that one day, it dies. I hope that I can finally lose the grasp of the relationship part of me. I just want to be okay, alone forever. I just want to see a couple and feel nothing, instead of sadness or disgust. I want to love myself, for an eternity and beyond. Fuck love, fuck friendships, and fuck the world