Sorrow

 It's 11:05pm. I'm a little drunk, but at the same time I'm completely conscious. Tonight I greet you with immense sadness, a sadness that pulls at my heartstrings enough to elicit tears. Yet I do not weep. I do not have it in me to cry, to love, to enjoy. It is tonight of all nights that I have this sadness within my hollow body, one that will eventually fade. I do not whimper at it, in fact I embrace this sadness as whole fully as I possibly can, only because I know this will dissipate into ashy dust. Lately, nothing really hurts, nothing really makes me happy, nothing really does anything for me. I go to liquor to try and make me feel something other than this emptiness that vibrates throughout my entire body. I wish I was like others, at times. Oh how I wish I could be like them! Oh how they laugh and feel with such intensity! Oh how they love and hate with such passion! Toss me into the ocean with the corpses of the lost, for who will remember a nobody such as I? Such as one like me, who lives on the fringes of society like a parasite suckling the last drop of blood from an already decaying corpse. Who else but me, that has the gall to pretend to be something special. Feed me to the dogs.

Another nightmare part 2

 It's currently 2:42am. I had another nightmare, this time I dreamt about suicide. I met an old man about the age of 54. He began to regale me with stories of his time living near a frozen lake. This place was a frozen tundra, about a town of 30-50 people. He told me of the common frequency of the suicides that have taken place near his home, in the lake. He told me stories of the elderly that grew tired of living who decided to enter the icy abyss of the lake, they would make a hole, and dive in, never to return. It wasn't until later that he managed to fish some of them out. One elderly man, another younger woman, and someone else who I cannot for the life of me remember. What I do remember, was each of their skin color, pale as milk. Their hands were stiff, and mangled in opposite directions, their eyes were bloodshot, and yet still. I began to imagine myself in their position, I would make a hole, I would take my final breath of air and jump into it. Full body and all, I would feel the cold at first, my muscles stiffening, my lungs begin to give out, filling with cool water, then numbness. A numbness to end the numbness, a final slumber to end all slumbers. My final view would be at the icy blue color of the frozen water above me, a final glimpse into beauty.