Old

It's currently 4:18am. I am again, lost in thought. It honestly feels like an eternity since my last entry, I've almost forgotten how to write. I'm in no way feeling anything at the current moment. Ever since I left my job I have felt this strange detachment of my purpose. Working, I felt that I had some stability and reason for living. Now, I feel like I'm in a strange world where nothing really matters, and nothing feels  like anything. I'm feeling numb, the more I feel numb the more apathy comes in waves and I realize nothing really hurts me anymore. I'm afraid of this, because at some point I feel as if this new person that's developed will kill my other self, then who, would I be? I feel at ease at times, basking in this emptiness, because I know nothing will hurt, but I fear staying in it forever. I want something to give to the world, but I don't know what I could give them. An old heart, maybe.