Where am I?

It's 5:22am. I lost a friend tonight. I decided to. I think I have something in me, that doesn't allow relationships. I remember it started in high school. I began to drift away from my friend L. L was a guy you could definitely count on, cheery full of love. I called him my best friend once, in middle school. I am a terrible friend. I remember how I felt, this feeling. How I wished to throw away my relationships. I think I just can't anymore. My other would like to have such feelings of happiness, but it never subsides, it just comes and goes as it wants. When it comes, it feels like I need the distance, otherwise I will break down. I will break like so many times before. I will bend and shatter in my mind, like glass. I'm saddened by this loss. I'm saddened that I cannot feel happy with him anymore. Once I am alone though, once I have regained myself, I think I will be happier. Whenever I am with others, I think I am not real, I am not complete. It is only when I am completely alone, I feel joy, I feel a sense of fulfillment. All these people, all these noises just throw me in to a state of disarray, of mess. Once I am alone again, I think I will be able to breathe. I think I am one of those people, who do not feel happy with others. I may be a freak, but I think I can never be happy with others. I am broken, maybe a little fucked up, but I am me. That is all I ever want to be, me.