Mania

It's 5:51am. I have noticed that mania feels like this feeling of compete invulnerability. How one would decide to feel such an emotion is beyond me. I only have those feelings when I drink, or when I drink energy drinks. I remember my cousin, who had an addiction to redbull. He would drink every day a whole pack of redbull. I was jealous, as I knew the serious effects of them. He ended up in the hospital, I smirked as he told me the story, such a preposterous side effect of an almost insignificant drink. His voice turned serious, he looked me in the eyes. He told me he had a heart attack. In my mind, I wished it were me. The one who's heart had stopped. He had an addictive personality. Yet, he held a heart so pure it seeped his sadness. It almost broke me, how he spoke of his tortured life, how he had to fight for the woman he loved, or his treasured lifestyle of luxury. I felt saddened that such a life would never happen to me, unless I chose it. So tonight, I choose it. I choose to fight for a life full of solitude, of a life full of heartache and treasure. A life where no one would call me a leech. A life where I could call my own.