I feel it.

It's 5:24am. I've been drinking. I apologize, I'm usually in a state of natural rambunctiousness. Now, I feel a bit numb, or absent from reality. I wrote something down tonight. "Murder on my mind, it's a cancer that's eating me alive. Murder on my mind, and there's no escaping it this time." I think it's because I felt some sort of pull towards the gore, the complete butchering of life. I think I am a freak, a freak not in the sense that I want to see that kind of stuff, but a freak in the sense that I know nothing else. I keep thinking about what a life I would've had if I was not like so, maybe a life where I became some sort of empathetic person. A person who cared about his fellow man, about what he felt. An empathetic person who knew what he wanted out of life. But I don't. I don't feel any sort of connection with these people, these feelings, these real opportunities. It's the emptiness, the void that calls for my soul. The feeling of solitude that never leaves my soul, the feeling of sadness that never ends. I think I am feeling that feeling of emptiness, that proceeds all humans. God how I wish it would never end, this feeling that I have. Everyday I miss it more and more. So to the people that do not understand, let me be. Let me be this weird abomination that one such as you would never comprehend, or this being of obnoxiousness that spews words of incoherence. But for the ones that are like so, feel it. Feel the feeling of destruction, and anarchy, for it will never leave our souls, or heart. Abominations are we, children of the night, and abominations we will forever be.