Fantasy

It's 4:33am. Today, I find myself lost. Lost to be in a world of much more vibrancy, and thrill. I fear that one day, I may meld too much into this world, and with it will no longer have ties into reality. I feel it, my mind deteriorating with every passing day. Each day, more and more I have less and less life. Life that used to pour from my goddamn soul, because it was in excess. I used to never fantasize about things, because I believed that reality was much more fun. To have that thrill, extinguished with the horror that is so prevalent in society. At times, I fantasize about vivid gore. The meat on my bones being flayed alive, cut up and torn apart. My brain, and skull being smashed, blood gushing out of the hole in my face. Maybe, I think, that it is my true self I see so often. This vivid imagination of violence, it might be the real me. The real me that hides itself so much from society. It's quite frightening, to think that such a violent person may harbor within my being. Maybe I'll be different, when I grow older, but I hope that I am not evil, or cruel, because I don't want to be that.. ever.