Gigantic

 It's currently 11:33pm. I find myself alone here, along with Sam Smith. I wish that his tunes would make me tremble with excitement, make me whisper his words. Yet I stay here, slightly tired, mostly bored. I sip this tasteful liquor with disgust. from a bottle too drained. I always cough at the taste. In these times I find myself so completely sad. I miss this feeling, all to many a time I miss this emotion. More and more these days I am disappointingly numb. I remember emotions fondly, every single minute filled with another hopeful taste. The emptiness though, it's like wading though a puddle. Like eating fruit that's filled with bland pudding.  I miss this, sadness. I miss it's ache, I miss this comfort. I keep telling myself that I need no one. Yet I always call for more. I call myself to humanity, as if clinging onto a cliff's edge. It would be easier to simply let myself fall. I am not a man who loves connecting. I am a man who loves his emotions. Emotional love in every way, sadness, joy, love, jealousy, pain. If anything, I am a man in a war, a war of emotions. A war he will never truly win, and these days I wonder why I ever was born. Why a person like me tears himself asunder. I know there will never be an answer, for as long as I breathe, I find no comfort in another. Loneliness is my true love.