Choose

 It's currently 7:05pm. I sit here once again, but with something to say. Something I feel. Emotions are hard for me, that I am sure you already know, reader. To try and conceptualize an emotion is kind of like pulling out a tooth. The twisting, the pull of the tiny white rock, the taste of nickel, the release of the nerve from your gums. Most of the time I do not feel intensely. The times I do feel, I feel strange, nauseous, sick. Like I ate something rotten, sitting in the pit of my stomach, just aching to get out. I feel sad? I think? Annoyed, more like, frustrated. I usually try and listen to music to help me truly enter this emotional state, but I feel like it's not helping. It's as if music gives me no reaction, no feeling. I tried recently to invite some friends to go and do something, flakes. Disappointing flakes. I understand, people have things going on. Not everyone should cater to me, yet I feel like I cater to everyone, I bend my knee to whatever they wish. I think it might be time to distance myself. I'm just tired of trying so hard for my friends. I think I'm just going to do what I want, ignore everyone else and have fun on my own. I want to live again, and the only way to DO THAT is to do things on my own, forever. Forever in LOVE with MYSELF and MYSELF ALONE.