Currently 12:27am. I come today with emotions, they're bubbling in my being. I find myself as of late, more drowning in these emotions of fear. I've been making these connections recently, and haven't been letting them go as of late. I feel more attuned to normalcy, to humanity. Is it normal to feel such anxiety of these connections? I remember in my earlier years, I found myself too scared to continue connections, severing them in quick succession. It was easy, to lose friends. It was an easy thing to pull away, to forget. Nowadays I keep these connections, but I feel incredibly vulnerable, afraid, like they will hurt me. I am not sure if I will do the thing I always do, pull away. Distancing myself feels correct, it feels like I'm in turmoil at the moment. I am not sure it would be so easy, to cut it off like a frostbitten limb. It's quite enticing, sweet release. At the same time I enjoy connections, but I feel like it's wrong, to have so many to keep so many. I might just do it again, and hit the reset. People are cruel, I know this, so why do I wish to keep myself so attuned to their cruelty? Why do I struggle to keep myself open? It is because my heart is not one to be open, but a closed casket forever, and always.
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