Raw

It's 5:05am. My fingers feel stiff, and hurt. I have been thinking about words, carnal and cannibal. Those two words speak to me, in a way that no other words do. They are words that hold more emotion, more feeling than any other word I have seen. It's raw, it's emotionally big, and almost too much to stomach. Maybe, one day, I will be normal. I keep having thoughts run through my mind, and the voice is just so loud, it's hard to listen to other people. It's like a booming stereo in my head that does not stop. What I would give to suppress the unceasing torment. I like to think that's how everyone feels, as if their minds cannot hold in this voice, so they use other people's ears, as objects to feed. Every idea, every mutter, every belief. In a way, we are all mad, in a way those things we hold in our heads, every traumatic moment that we try and hold in, comes out. It's bloody and violent echo always shattering through our thin glass. The glass that we hold up to our society, as a frame that they can see us through. So that their eyes may glance upon a person that is appropriate, unaware that the glass is frail, and could break with a slight breeze. And as the glass would shatter, the pieces would fall onto the ground, and pouring out would be the ooze of our true selves, our demons, our flesh. Today, I really saw the horde, the people. They would laugh and look at each other with such love, and joy. As I turned around, I saw the emptiness of reality, the void if you will of nothingness, and I felt comfort. Comfort not in the people around me, not in the horde, but in full enthrallment of the emptiness that encompassed my life. Every moment that I had all to myself, it was as if I had seen beauty for the very first time, and in seeing so I find purpose.