Soul

It's 4:28am. There's a disconnect. Let me rephrase. I am disconnected from others. This misinterpretation seems to permeate throughout my entire life. Existence is difficult, the misinterpretation is strange, because it makes me not feel human. It's as if my human side is dying, or maybe I'm coming to the realization that it never even existed. Each day, I see these mounds of flesh communicate, and they feel joy with others. It's as if I am watching through a window, to the outside world. Culture, the ideal home, the togetherness. I am immune. I am immune to the disease of love, and intimacy. It is disheartening to feel the weight be lifted from my soul. The limitless experience of elation that one feels when then are in love, to me is very limiting. So, the horde will say "you will find that special someone some day, and you will feel amazing." I reject such a notion that one should limit themselves with love. Love will fade, and discomfort will set in, I need something else, something more than a simple emotion can give. It's as if I am not complete without this other thing, not love, not the emotions, but something that I cannot describe, something so infinite that our bones will hollow and shiver from the sheer mention. That our veins begin to feel cold with our blood. That our minds almost break from the realization of the completeness. Spirituality? Nay, something bound by logic is not infinite, but something that we humans cannot fathom, like looking at the spectrum of color, the grey that we cannot see. It is the grey that I seek, the unknown the light of such unimaginable power. Love is but a simplistic emotion, compared to the grey's infinite power. The grey, it's what should power my life, so why should I cling to battered torn emotions? I am conflicted.