It's currently 11:49pm, at the time of writing this blog entry. I'm listening to "I'm Single" by Lil Wayne. It was recommended by a friend. Today I began by waking up at 7:30am, for work. I went and left, came home and watched "Scooby-Doo" the live action movie with Matthew Lillard. I can tell you right now, that he did a phenomenal job in portraying Shaggy. It really sold the movie, his dynamic with a very 2000's cgi dog. I slept through a couple horror movies, that my sister ended up watching. It's strange to want to connect yet be so far away. I dislike the time I spend with my family. I connect with them, but the times I do it never feels good. It feels wrong. I took a mushroom pill of 500mgs. I spent time with Zolt in his stream, simply listening and vibing to the music. Coming down, I tried to realize the complete oneness of my life. I know as an asexual person, I could never be like them. It's sad to me, to never able to love. I do not mean sex, but love, romantic love, it's alluring. Alluring but unsatisfying. Always unsatisfying, as everything really seems to be. When I came down, I realize how truly uninteresting my life really is, how unsatisfying it has been. I find myself in a wallow of sadness and misery. I assume this emotion is what I've normally felt, and have grown numb to feeling. I am now listening to Low Roar, great band. Now I plan on going to sleep soon, but my emotions are still raw. I don't enjoy things anymore I've come to realize, everything is simple and boring. Is this life? Is this how it always was? When did it get like this? I don't know.
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