Another bottle down

Currently 7:11am. I'm drunk, of course. I don't really know how to start these things anymore. I feel whenever I tell people about my asexuality, I feel myself lying to them. I think it's because heterosexuality is so ingrained in our society, I try to appease this inner turmoil that I might change, eventually, once I fuck or once I find the right girl. Personally, I don't think I'll ever find the right girl or guy, not that I am giving up, more like I never really cared for finding someone. I think it's because of how I am. Maybe, I think I am too screwed up, or a little too intense for people, still I know of people who would jump head over heels for someone like that, and yet I resist. I resist because I find myself in a position of where I wouldn't want to be in, ever. I am a little strange sure, does that mean I will never find a lover? Not necessarily, it means I have to try harder, but what if I never want to try? What if I never want to find a person who's skin comforts me? Who's laughter illuminates my life? Who's eyes pierce my very soul? What of the people who decide love is not for them? What comes of their meaningless lives of fortune, and solitude? I think it's truth, I think it's knowledge, and fulfillment. I have so many questions, but the only one who can answer them are me, someone so out of touch with reality, that humans no longer mean something to me. They are something I can never figure out, so there's little reason to pursue questions. I'm done, I think, with trying to understand them, to live a life of lies hidden in smiles and fortified by a personality buttered to their liking. I am not like them, and it's time to stop acting like I am.