Sickening

It's 4:40am. On a night like this, where my brain knows no end to the insufferable noise of my words, I find no satisfaction. With every letter that goes into a senseless sentence, I feel no end to the torment of this life. Eternal, I feel at times, yet tonight I have no drive for success, or a drive for anything other than a reckless endeavor. I simply want to feed my emotions with swigs of alcohol, and drive a cancer in between my skin, simply because I wish for the day that I mean something to someone. Maybe it is this desperate need, that plagues my entire life, something I may have skipped in my teenage life, a need for care and love from family, or friendships. I do not think I will ever find it, even in someone else, I think I am desperately alone, for an eternity, and I think I should accept it, no matter how hard the wires and razors this idea holds. I am not meant for this town, I am not meant for this world, but here I am nonetheless, I won't change, I am here, I am alive.