As I lie here

It's 4:02am. As I lie here, beaten and drunk in the vastness of my absurdity, I cling to think about the memories I had alone. In New York, I felt so different. As if I was someone else. I felt freedom, but if you are someone with a molecule of intelligence you would know that freedom, while something to always strive for, has a deep dark side to it. This freedom, that can quench my thirst for meaning, can also hold a very deep hole, something so frightening it rattles my bones. Death, the ending to all endings of life. I felt it for a second, while over there, that at any moment, at any time, I could fall, I could be murdered, and who would know of it? Would my family weep for me? Would the friends I have made, mourn my passing? I would think to not care, as life is only meaningful in death, for we as the meaningless people, the faceless would not dare to ask for someone to care. It is us truly, who die in darkness, who the masses do not see, who truly suffer the void of eternal darkness. So let me lie here, beaten, and drunk, alone and diminished. So for that moment, for the endless moments of fear that may plague me, I thank thee, I thank thee for the fear, and sadness, for one day I will feel nothing more. Let that day never come.