A cold day

It's 3:39 am. It was a cold day, a few days ago. As I stepped out into the world beyond my sheltered home, I could smell the September winds. When I was told he was no longer with us, I felt horror. Not the horror you see in the movies, no that one is too mild. It's like a horror you see in the violence, and gore. That horror which I feel is integral in our lives, to feel. I felt horror the entire day, because I knew what had happened. I began to piece together his last moments, the reason he was so inclined to leave us. Unfortunately, it's not something you really want to think about, when you think of someone you care about. It's like seeing an adorable puppy be smashed under a car, or a child being disemboweled on razor wire. Thinking about all the times he made us smile, thinking about how many lives he touched, only for his spirit to go out in a matter of hours. I am sad, but not a pleasurable sadness that I can cope with. His is one life, I wish I could have changed, for the better. Now, I am left with nothing but memories of a boy too tortured from his past, who was unable to bear the weight of his demons. I see all his friends, everyone forgets who he was, what he wanted. I wish I could've done more, I say, but I know that even if I had, the pain would be too great. Just to see a man, who's life meant so much to be lost so quickly, it's really painful. Pain that I hope will stay with me forever, until I breathe my last breath, until my eyes can see no longer, pain that I hope will always remind me that he was there, that he was someone, and never to be forgotten. Thank you Josh.