Looking inside

It's 2:00am. I was watching a movie called "Everybody rides the carousel". It shows the ins and outs of a normal human life. It's quite astonishing how quickly someone's life can fade into literally nothing from potential. I found it so sad, at the same time it's quite beautiful. Looking at life at such a distance, it's quite scary. So many paths one could take, so many mistakes to be had, so many souls you could taint. For me, I think choosing to abstain is a direction, not unlike choosing to go into law, or love. Many people would call this stagnation a true art of procrastination, to willfully believe they are moving when they are not. It's a lie, they know not what doing nothing entails, because they have done. I think the more you see, the more you figure out, and the more you grow in knowledge. Useless? Maybe, but to me, it is true knowledge, being aware of others. Such simple beliefs and lowly thoughts about what others may think or want to believe, I want to choose to go beyond. It is that my feeble brain does not comprehend in a manner others may, idiotic they may call me, retarded, or cringy. Sure, to an extent it may be so but to me it isn't that simple. Everything is complex, and I'm enthralled in thinking such thoughts. To truly be in awe of life, it's my gift to myself for the rest of my life. Wicked are we the people of night, feared and fearful are we the weirdos. Forevermore