Currently 12:23Am. I find myself in a time where everything I feel is empty. Nothing of value matters, nothing makes sense. Tonight among many nights, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Socialization makes me feel all the more lost. I realize that too much socialization makes me feel like everything moves too fast. As if I'm trying to blend in with the many others obsessed with the comforting feelings of being with each other. I keep trying to deny this thing inside my atoms. It's like I was never meant to be amongst the joyful crowds. At some point, I think, I may just quit. I would quit drowning myself in social comfort. To be true to myself means cutting off the rotting flesh of my limbs. The only purpose of socialization, should be to confidently reaffirm my idea of reality. To balance my ideas with the ideas of the unreal would be to coax mental instability, as such I should try to communicate with the living to a degree in which would be acceptable, even if it may be only but a minute of socializing. At some point, I will leave, I think and my entire online existence will be this blog. Completely personal, and never in dire need for another, I will sit here, in complete isolation. Maybe then it will bring me joy and meaning, or finally goad me into ending my pitiful existence.
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