Code

It's 4:21am. There must be something wrong in my coding. Something unfamiliar, something foreign. I keep believing that one of these days I will change, but I keep being let down. Let down in  a sense, that one would be so intensely normal, to be so different that normal life would seem like a dream. This time, I think, as my day begins. This time, I will be different. I look along the lines of difference, and my eyes begin to shade to grey. The dullness of everyday life, it's almost like the weight of it is so immense, that I crumble every time I try. I like to pinch myself, yes with gore and violence, to feel that little shock to breathe life into my soul. It's not enough. It's never enough, moreover, this empty hole that I would like to fill stems from a hole that is ingrained in our very nature as humans. We, who like to protest against such an overbearing and cruel universe, yelling at the cosmos. It cares not, because it is unpredictable and chaotic. Sometimes, it is so hard to continue living. To continue yelling, at this being, sometimes I feel my legs begin to buckle, and my throat begins to feel sore. Those are the times, people like to find some sort of connection, and bring it to light, to make them feel less alone, friendships, family, loved ones. For us, who have lost such feelings, it can only be gained through the sheer will of survival, to speak. To speak, and realize our anger, our hatred, to focus on the legacy we wish to leave humanity. To leave them with not a whimper, or a gasping for life, but a solid and loud," fuck you".