Singledom

It's 4:24am. I keep thinking about this hole in my chest. It's like a ball and chain, that I carry around my entire life. I feel everyone has this hole, but they never speak of it. If they would, I think they would find that nothing really fills it in completely. It's like an embodiment of hunger. To want is to die, unfulfilled. So then how does one function? How does anyone continue to live with such a chunk from themselves gaping to the world? I find that it might just always be there, so I want to comfort it, embrace it. I feel many people tend to fill it with connections, the connections of love, and security. To one such as I, I find it incredibly hard to even fathom such a feeling. It is like I am wrong, like I have been blinded to the feeling of loving others. I do not act coldly, if anyone wants help, I always wish to help in any way I could, but I simply do not feel anything when their words hit me. I imagine that others do, they whimper and whine, about their lover's small imperfections, but find love with them nonetheless. They decide to push on, maybe to continue on the adventure of their connection. What's to gain? In this life, we decide we are cursed with absolute freedom. So personally, I decide not to love, and while the hole in my soul, may grow to completely eradicate my love for others, maybe I will learn the true meaning of the cold and bleak universe. Till then, I will let my emotions, and rambles of insecure gestures flow throughout my fingertips.