Wasted times

 It's currently 2:02am. Times of before seem to clasp on to me like a worm is to dirt. How many a time I've shown myself only to be met with disgust and contempt. It is what life is like though, to be seen and to be met with rejection. It is through these trials we must form who we are, how we stand in our affirmations. I miss my old times though. I wish I had said those things, only tonight I've dug through to see and accept. I wish I had told myself it's okay to hold myself in my uncertainties. I wish I had a hand to tell me it's alright, to be okay in the cold night. I still think of the fire, the uncertainty in your voice too. "I wish". I'm sure in another life, in another time we would be but as of tonight, these cosmic stars we are not. I wish that I was stronger, smarter, more keen. So tonight I'm going to weep of the time that I wished. 

Okay okay I get it

 It's currently 9:51am. I'm sitting here in disasterous guilt and shame for I have wronged a person. It's strange how one moment can transform your contentedness for the rest of your life. A tragedy, a horror, or a moment of ecstasy. I've noticed more often than not, people simply are mostly in turmoil themselves. I had this notion that everyone was normal, having things figured out, but I can tell plain as day they too are broken, not in the way that I am but in other ways. Whether it be the way they speak, or the way they walk, the way they adjust their shirt. It's all disappointing, at times I find myself just saying things to see what reactions I can get, to see if my words can push any buttons, and when they do I am disappointed with the reactions I get. It's just all the same. Everything is.