It's 12:23am. I put off writing for a while now, I always feel weird typing, or expressing myself now. It's strange to be sober and write as if I can do it well enough without substances. I guess I'm very unimpressed by myself. The way I do things, it's very wishy washy. Inconsistent. Like this entire post. Anyways, I recently went to Boundary Dam in Washington near the border, it was nice I wrote a few things so I'm going to post them.
I made it to the dam. I keep thinking though, what it all meant. To be here the long trek across Idaho, just for a mediocre and underwhelming reward. I think about it frequently, the boredom. In solitude, I find myself overwhelmingly bored, and unsatisfied. In socializing I get the positive emotions associated with it, the joy in every interaction, the laughter you might get but it always feels like it's missing something, something solitude could fix. In the end, solitude is the only thing I could ever fathom to give myself to. It's peaceful, to be at the brink, to have very little and not need others, but nonetheless it brings boredom.
Here's a few pictures I took during the long drive. There's a few more on my instagram too.
