Concerts

 It's 9:05pm. I went to "The Devil Wears Prada" concert in my city. While I took some shrooms, I gave my friends some as well. I had an amazing time on them there, moments where I was genuinely frightened, but most of the time I enjoyed myself vibing to the music. My friends on the other hand, felt very aggressive and annoyed. Their time there wasn't enjoyable. Which got me thinking, why do I hold value in what they perceive? Is it because I value their insight? Should one truly have such value in friendships? I've been frustrated as of late, like these people I've met are fun. Fun and nothing more. I want to enter their hearts but I feel like they don't show me, and if they do I don't like what I see. More and more I think personally, I am meant to do more for myself and myself alone. Always and forever, it is US it is ME that must come first. One who is not meant to love, to truly open my heart, it is US who must make something of this void and hold the world in our palms. Connections seem diminished, they are a waste of time. I keep coming to this conclusion, that which is in the core of my being, that I am alone and will forever be. 

Superdose

 Time is 8:58pm. There's so much beauty in the world, I have to say. The more I've taken mushrooms the more beauty I find myself surrounded in. At the same time, this last trip I took a day ago, I realized how truly hopeless I am. I am not sure if this is indicative of a "bad trip" but I did take a different strand of mushrooms this time. Usually, I have a strong sense of euphoria when I'm on shrooms. This time though, I found myself completely alone, and still able to see the beauty of things, but it was much more introspective. I have realized now that these powerful natural occurring fungi, as fun as they are will not truly change me. I have garnered a different perspective, sure. I have found enjoyment in socialization through them, but once they wear off I'm again the same person. I am the same man through and through. I love that they are fun, and at the same time frightening, if abused. It's a fine line though the line we tread on a trip. More and more I enjoy myself. These things I think should be used alone to truly delve into what makes my life, my life.